Prove Your Love

Rhea: I can really like someone and conventionally, how I appear to them, how I interact with them is not necessarily indicative of that in the very 3D way that we all used to.

Liz: How so?

Rhea: We get told the rules, like if someone likes you, they always call you. If someone cares about you, they pay for you. We hear all this stuff all the time.

Liz: Well, yeah, because there's always those clichés like talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words.

Rhea: I always find myself doubting someone's intentions because I fall back on what they should be doing if they do care.

Liz: Yeah. Trying to find the signs, right? The signs that they're interested.

Rhea: I've had an experience where someone has said all the right things to me and I felt it. I felt what they were trying to say without the words. I could feel it. I knew what they were saying, and then I left. Two days passed and they didn't act conventionally how I would have imagined them to have acted if they did feel those things. And I found myself doubting all of it. I find myself doubting how I felt in the moment, over what my mind was telling me how someone should be acting when they're meant to feel these things. I'm not the kind of person who I believe that you can really ... like if someone says to you something in the moment, you can't hold them to it for the rest of their lives. Things change. As we were discussing in the previous episode, every day is a choice. Every day is a new moment.

Liz: You certainly don't want to be held to all the things you say.

Rhea: If someone tells you that they love you, it doesn't necessarily mean they're going to love you forever, and you can't hold it against them if that changes.

Liz: Since everybody's got a different definition of it, it can mean anything. I love you for the next hour. I love you for life. I love you for a day. I love you for a night. I love you while I'm fucking you, but I think nothing of you the next day.

Rhea: Yeah. It could mean anything.

Liz: It can mean anything, which is why those three words are just so complicated, and which is why we had to redefine it so that we could make it solid. We could give it some solid ground to work with. But we are definitely in a time, and I think we're not fully landed in it yet because not everybody is in that sort of fifth dimensional consciousness and people are still stuck in their karmic shit, and seeing that through relationships or through work or money, etcetera that they're not quite fully in that, so they're still playing with the 3D games of love and dating and the rules. And you know, I only know this person likes me when they ask me out, or they call me or they text first.

Rhea: Yeah. Why am I always the one that seems to be texting first all the time in every single relationship I'm in?

Liz: Right. Maybe ‘cause you're just the more communicative one. I mean, who knows? I'm not trying to come up with any excuses, but this is the tricky part.

Rhea: No, I just really would like an answer. Why am I always the one texting first?

Liz: Well, okay. So I'll give you an answer to that, which is we have this wiring or this social conditioning that we grew up with that is in a lot of movies. It's in a lot of stories of the pursuer and the pursuee. And so we're sensitive to that. Who initiates what, who starts what, who seems like they're pursuing and who seems like they're being pursued? And as a female, I think I'm supposed to be the one who's being pursued. I think I'm the one who's supposed to be 'bought' effectively. And if I am heteronormative, then I expect the guy to be the one doing the chasing and the pursuing. However, especially among the younger generations, there is none of that conditioning unless their parents are really instilling it in them. That's actually not in the wiring. So men will typically not be the pursuer unless they are compelled to be.

What we're playing with is old rules, new paradigm. No one's winning because most people are expecting things to happen one way, but then there's also a level of consequence now that has come up over the past several years around dating and courtship, that then it's like, well, I don't know if I do this. Do I need consent? If I do this, is this crossing a boundary? When we remove our fear of rejection, when we remove all the hang-ups we have around this belief that we are not good enough, it's not about seeing everyone as a potential one or a potential partner for life. It's just about this person's in my life. This is cool.

Rhea: If I'm thinking in a way that's like, wait a second, should I be stressed about this? I'm not, but I should be. That's a moment for me to look at it and go, why am I still buying into your shit?

Liz: Exactly. It's the personal red flag, not the red flag for the other person. It could be, because it's not meeting a particular standard or value you have of I'd like somebody who communicates with me as openly as I would like to communicate with them. To me, it's always about the personal red flag of what is the saying about me. What's the red flag here that I need to go and look at this?

Rhea: Am I looking for someone else to be doing something to make me feel secure in myself, or is this actually something that's a non-negotiable value that I have? What I was reading between the lines ....

Liz: Was your story.

Rhea: Was my story. What was actually happening was what I was being told. But all of a sudden in the moments of silence, my story was itching to creep back in because my fear was itching to creep back in, because my ego wanted to protect me from being hurt again.

Liz: I don't think it's easy. And I think this is why there's such a preponderance of dating podcasts at the moment is because people are really trying to figure it out, because things are not lining up. Their internal experiences are not lining up with their external experiences. The rules they think that apply don't. The people that they're meeting seem okay, but as you've experienced, their actions are inconsistent with the feelings that they seem to evoke in them. And so you're like, what the hell? I can't nail this one down. Like if this were ...

Rhea: Is this a test? Should I walk away? Am I failing something?

Liz: Totally.

Rhea: Because I feel like I should be sticking around.

Liz: Do I have love blindness? What the hell is this?

Rhea: Honestly, I think I spend half my time just asking myself, are you crazy?

Liz: And I just always, I say, I just could not, I would not. I would find this so exhausting. I would probably just be celibate and call it a day. Nobody's failing here. As I've always said, there's no such thing as failing. It's just you're still looking for more opportunities to grow. But what I mean that it's worth sticking with it is the fact that after a time, just as you've been experiencing, you're going to figure it out and you're only going to figure it out through trial and error. When you keep using it to look inside and say, Oh, I see this red flag, but I'm not going to make it about this other person waving this red flag. I'm going to make it about myself and why I'm either inclined to ignore the red flag or what's it telling me about where I'm at in my growth.

Rhea: I mean, how many times, Liz? How many times have I said to you, that's it. I'm done. I'm done. It's over. I'm done. This is exactly.... I can't do this anymore.

Liz: And then what do I say?

Rhea: Sleep on it, and I'm like, but if I sleep on it, I'll wake up in the morning and I won't think it's a big deal anymore. And that for me isn't all the lessons I need to hear about the fact that it's not a big deal because if I sleep on it and I don't care in the morning, then surely it was about me and not about them. But I still, I react constantly. And I keep asking myself, is this a worth thing? Am I failing a test somehow by staying here and doing this? I don't know how I feel. Sometimes I think I love this person. Sometimes I think I would like to run them over with a car. Sometimes I think they hate me. Sometimes I think that they think I'm the best. I cannot tell where anyone stands, where anyone lives, where anyone's mind is.

Liz: Breathe. Breathe, Rhea, breathe. Just breathe.

Rhea: I’m like, fuck it. And then you're like, wait a second. Then you go to sleep and you wake up the next morning. And you're like, Oh, everything is fine.

Liz: And I'm like, sleep on it and breathe. Part of that and why and it's really funny cause I didn't even explain it to you. I was just like, just go to sleep already, Rhea.

Rhea: You want to just tell them everything I'm feeling right now.

Liz: And I'm like, nope, stop yourself now.

Rhea: Which is funny. I don't have verbal diarrhea in my emotions anymore like I used to. Funnily enough it's because when I used to have verbal diarrhea in my emotions, it was because I thought, if I tell you my emotions, they become your problem, not mine.

Liz: In this new relationship paradigm that's going to be emerging really over 20 years, so it's going to take time. Well, part of it is because we need the younger generation to come up in it and it becomes a much more...

Rhea: Solidified thing.

Liz: Exactly. When it comes to this new relationship paradigm, it's not about our thoughts or our feelings. Sit with that one for a moment. Sleep on it.

Rhea: What the fuck does that even mean? I feel like everything about emotions are my thoughts or my feelings. Everything about relationships are my thoughts and my feelings.

Liz: I know, motherfucker! Well no, because our feelings, as you said, we're not really our emotions, are we?

Rhea: No, we're not.

Liz: I'm just going to throw your words back at you.

Rhea: You're right. Our emotions are basically just telling us what our state of being is. Our emotions are just telling us where we're at.

Liz: Exactly. It's our gauge. What are your thoughts telling you half the time?

Rhea: Bullshit.

Liz: Yep. Just a story. Just whatever story you have written.

Rhea: I am filling in the blanks with my story.

Liz: Exactly. Exactly. So you can understand why thoughts and feelings don't really factor into this new 5D relationship paradigm. So it was kind of like earlier, when you were saying to me in the moment when you were lying next to the person, you just knew. You had this knowing and being with them, something felt real. You didn't even need to question it. You just accepted it as it was in that moment and it felt really good. And that's really what 5D relationships are. Now do not confuse 5D relationships and this new relationship paradigm with ...

Rhea: Situationships.

Liz: Well, not just situationships, but Oh, the moment I can be with somebody and it feel this good even for a night, this means that they are “the one” for me.

Rhea: So what does it mean?

Liz: It means that you have found a good match, energetically speaking and vibrationally speaking. When we can really be with somebody in that kind of moment, there's a nice fit there. Now, does that mean that they fit our lives 100% and that makes them solid partnership material? That you'd have to answer based on how you experience them in the real world. They're not separate things, but they're distinct because the more we know ourselves, the more connected we are with ourselves, the more we've done, all that work that you've done in terms of dealing with our karmic shit, breaking out of our karmic loops, healing our stories, the more we are going to attract people of our similar vibration. It's just energy, right? So it might be that you're going to encounter a certain number of potentials, where you're going to be like, what the hell? Everybody seems like a possibility and you'll still be you, which is why, because you have such a profound sense of your own identity, of your own worth, of your purpose, that now when you encounter and experience these guys, it's an entirely different playing field, isn't it? Because when you are connected to your divinity, love is a given because you embody love. You are love. So love is not something to be attained as we defined it already. Love is the act of shining your light for others to see.

Rhea: And that's all really interesting, but what I struggle with is...

Liz: That's all real interesting.

Rhea: I love it. Yeah. I have to say that even though I wasn't experiencing any of those things, because how can you tell, and I think this is something we've skirted around, but how can you tell when you are in a new kind of paradigm relationship where there are no more rules and it really just is about being with the other person and just seeing how far you connect and being in a situationship or being taken for granted or manipulation or tests or all the other bullshit. Like how can you tell the difference? How do you know the difference?

Liz: How much can you count on them to be there for you when you need them? And how able are you to be able to express that you do when you do need them? Does that make sense? Because if you feel comfortable enough to feel vulnerable enough to express your needs....

Rhea: Can we rely on each other?

Liz: Will you have my back? Will you have my back the way I will have yours? It can be as simple as that. Because again, and to make that distinction, we're not looking for trauma bonding. It's not about emotional neediness.

Rhea: No, it's just, can we rely on each other sometimes?

Liz: It's almost like what you would do with a friend or what a friend would do for you?

Rhea: That's what it is ...like a friend. Yeah.

Liz: It is. But the difference being is that you're not contracted necessarily for friendship. You're contracted for partnership, and 5D Oneness Consciousness is all about purpose and not just living our purpose, but how purposeful everything is, right down to our relationship.

Rhea: So when we talk about this new paradigm, this new energy, it's really this place where there are no more rules of the shoulds and the woulds, and it's not like he has to text first. There's no more pursuing/pursuer. It's just two people.

Liz: Oh God, no.

Rhea: Basically friends. Friends who fuck, but with more of a bond than that.

Liz: Well with great integrity, right? Cause the friends with benefits and situations and all that, it's not integrity.

Rhea: Yeah. That's not what I mean. I mean, you are genuinely good friends and that aspect is part of your relationship.

Liz: There is a shared mutual respect and that is very important that the respect exists because when respect is in place, it means that everybody is operating with integrity.

Rhea: How can you tell if you're in respect?

Liz: I mean, you know you have self-respect when you have appropriate and realistic boundaries, not bullshit boundaries, like can't do that shit to me. You know that's not a real boundary. That's having your guard up. That's a protective ego thing. But by respect, it's really like, I will not compromise my standard. I will not compromise my values. I will not compromise who I am so that you will be in my life.

Rhea: I want something that I don't know. I know the shit of relationships. You know, I've done all the things in all the episodes that we've spoken about. I've experienced all the dark side of relationships in many different ways. So if I was to stick in the parts that I know of relationship, I'm never going to experience what I desire because I don't know that to an extent. I don't know what it feels like to be wholly me ‘cause I've never been wholly me. I don't know what it's like to be loved as wholly me, ‘cause I've never been wholly me. So I can't be navigating my current relationship world from a place of what I knew, because what I knew is what I don't want. And it's really for me, as simple as that. If I want something new, I've got to be prepared to swim in new water.

Liz: Absolutely, and just jump right in.