No One is to Blame

Liz: So back when I was 17, 18, and I've referred to this perhaps in one of the earlier episodes. For anybody who has not bothered to listen to Season 1, it is a treasure trove of random stories and shit. There was one of my very first mentors, Ron Miller. He had said, “Liz, you will need to accept that you chose all of this”, and that's a lot for, I think, a teenager to digest. To be told I had chosen all of that shit to happen, because you would think that it defeats logic, right? Why would I choose to be unhappy? Why would I choose these "bad things" to happen? Why would I want my life to fall apart? But there was something incredibly liberating. So about a minute later, or however long it took for me to process a few minutes, I remember thinking that, wow, the moment I can accept that is the moment I'm free because now I can accept the fact that if I'm responsible for everything because I created everything, it means then that I can create anything I want. And that's probably one of the most liberating things that can ever happen.

Rhea: It's the second part, I think. I mean, I understand it definitely. Like I remember sitting with you one day and saying to you, it's so fucking funny because all the things that have happened to me in my life, if I had believed I was good enough, I would have responded to each one of them differently. And even though they all could have happened in exactly the same way; my experience of my life thus far would have been entirely different.

Liz: Yes.

Rhea: Yes, in some situations, I may not have stayed in specific places for as long as I did, but I've also had the experience where the relationship itself stayed the same, but my perspectives as they oscillated, my experience, the relationship oscillated as well. Where it was great and where it wasn't great was purely a reflection of how I felt about myself. So I can definitely understand it from like a logical perspective, but I think where I fall foul is what do you mean by "chosen"? Is it a spiritual choice?

Liz: Yes. We were in the driver's seat more than we realize, and I think that's really what we struggle with as humanity. As humans, we're just like why I asking for all of this shit to befall my life over and over and over again, because it is so difficult to acknowledge that we have created our own suffering time and again?

Rhea: Because if we believed it would happen, it happens.

Liz: Yeah. And we would think that it belies all logic, doesn't it? Like, why would I? If I was really choosing here, I'd be choosing all the positive. I would want only upside.

Rhea: But I guess if our small self is choosing...

Liz: No, it's our higher self choosing all the time.

Rhea: Okay.

Liz: And there could be different reasons and motivations for why we choose what we chose. As you said, it could be to burn out. I mean, in the bigger scheme of things, it is always - and this is not applying to the really little ones and the young ones - but for our generation and millennials, it's to burn out our karmic stories. And as we know, in order to confront and burn out our karmic stories, we need to recognize that the shit is happening for a reason because that's the only way to do it.

Rhea: We have to choose something different.

Liz: Yeah. We have to come into a level of consciousness in order to heal it, in order to bring in a new understanding. And we don't achieve that understanding if we just say, I want only upside, thank you very much.

Rhea: I don't understand myself because if I'm so powerful that I can choose anything and I'm perfect, then I wouldn't have chosen to be in pain.

Liz: So, the reason we do it is twofold. One, it's to understand the extent of our power. We need to know exactly just how powerful we are, so we need to be able to traverse that entire spectrum.

Rhea: Is it we need to start single and alone and never finding a second date, to then end up with the relationship of dreams?

Liz: And it's not...

Rhea: No, I'm asking. Is that right?

Liz: It could be that. That's not necessarily for everyone. And it's not to appreciate it when it does come into your life, ‘cause that's bullshit. We're here for the full picture. We didn't come here for half the picture. We came here for the full picture, the full learning, the whole wisdom, if you will. And in 3D, polarity existed so there was with the good comes the bad, with the right comes the wrong. So, it's also understanding that we had no choice, but to play within that field of polarity

Rhea: Because it makes some of our choices bad choices, and some of our choices good choices.

Liz: Yes. When the reality is that they weren't wrong. It was just all part of our learning, but they feel and become so much worse when we judge them and we get stuck in a particular cycle that takes longer for us to get out of, because we were existing within that state of judgment.

Rhea: Because if you judge something, any choice you make, I'm going to make it small whilst you’re keeping it meta.

Liz: I'm glad you are.

Rhea: Like my mind otherwise can't get around it. 

Liz: Right. No, no. It's fair.

Rhea: So, if you let's say keep going back in a relationship or keep making the same mistakes at work, and you're judging yourself for it. And you're like, Oh, I shouldn't be making these decisions.

Liz: How can I be so stupid?

Rhea: Yeah. Then you're not actually asking the question, which is ...

Liz: What am I meant to be learning from this. What is this teaching me?

Rhea: I don't necessarily believe if you've got into episode 19 of Season 4 that you're just stuck in a karmic loop that you can't get out of anymore. You know, I'm going to hope that ... you know, we've had enough podcast episodes.

Liz: Yes. We’re in 2021.

Rhea: We have also gone through all of 2020 and the beginning of 2021 by this point. I think most of us at this point if you're listening to this podcast, you're pretty aware of most of your fears at this point. Whether or not you've burnt out every single aspect of each one is a totally different story, but you're aware enough of your core fears. We're not necessarily being flung back into loops again and again and again, just to revel in our misery.

Liz: No, not at all.

Rhea: If we feel shitty, it's because somehow, we feel powerless and it's where am I feeling powerless?

Liz: Where am I not in my power? Why have I sacrificed my power?

Rhea: How we define our power as well.

Liz: Our power is our divinity. That's how we define it. Divinity is power.

Rhea: Yes, but it's also honoring who we are. I remember I was talking to a friend and I was saying often when we get told to choose ourselves, we think that means walking away from a partner or putting a line in the ground or doing these huge things because that is what we've always been told is right when we choose ourselves. And we choose ourselves, we're saying no to other people. That's polarity again. In a weird way, that's polarity as well. And I was like, but I believe choosing ourselves is choosing to spend time with ourselves, choosing to learn who we really are. I was like, for me, when I really wanted to choose myself, my goals have nothing to do with the relationship to someone else, because a relationship to someone else was still not choosing myself because someone else was in the picture. And I find that actually even recently, or whenever I feel off-kilter or a bit crappy, you know, it's not where am I not telling someone else to step? It's what am I doing in this moment that's allowing someone else's actions or reactions to me to make me feel not good enough.

Liz: And that's effectively the crux of this episode. I am not good enough because I'm not living up to my potential. I am not good enough because I was born with original sin. I am not good enough because I am somehow fallen. I am not good enough because I do not act perfectly. I am undeserving. I am not worthy. I am unlovable. I am imperfect. I am evil. All of these things that keep us circling this very notion of we are not good enough because we do everything wrong. We make all the wrong choices that seem to hurt us time and again.

Rhea: And that's why bad things keep happening to us.

Liz: Exactly. And so, when my mentor had said to me, “you chose all of this, Liz”, was the moment I could really grasp that I didn't have to stay in it. It will change because I'm aware that I can make a change.

Rhea: But you have to really believe.

Liz: You have to believe but you have to first take responsibility for the choice.

Rhea: But that's the bit, I think. We say the episode is called Accountability Sucks.

Liz: Yes. It sucks. It sucks having to do that. I felt like my worst self. I felt so terrible that I had hurt my parents. I felt terrible for hurting people and letting people down, especially myself. I felt terrible. So, it's hard. Accountability sucks. It never comes down to a single choice. Everything's a series of choices we make. And the reason why this episode is called “No One is to Blame: Accountability Sucks” where it's almost like two different sides of the same coin. We're victims of our own circumstance, and we have to own the fact that we've victimized ourselves. Yes. And that's what I had to own. That there was a series of choices that I had made, not all necessarily my fault, that I had believed in something and that's why we actually had the episode about Faith beforehand. There are a lot of things that we believe in, and we don't necessarily know why, because there's a level of conditioning that there was a level of family influence, a level of cultural influence, a level of just general influence over our thoughts and our belief systems that might've shaped us in a certain way that we didn't really realize until we see it play out. And so now when we start to own our actions, the ones that hurt us, the ones that caused our own suffering, then we have to start looking at all the pieces and say, where did I play into all of that, and how did I do this to myself? And that hurts. It hurts to kind of wake up and be like, Oh shit! I really failed myself, didn't I? Or at least I might have. Will I be able to pick up the pieces and start over, or build anew or whatever you want to say, but really, it's coming. It's having that come to Jesus reckoning moment, if you will of like, okay, I have got to own this or nothing will change

Rhea: If at every stage, at every choice, if I chose through fear and I created this moment, this perfect storm of pain, which I look back on and I can see the threads throughout my whole life and how they've led me here, and I know that at every time they've led me here because I've made choices out of fear. Well, what happens if I start making choices out of love? What happens if instead of making a choice out of fear, I do the opposite and I do what I really want to do, which is a choice out of love. Loving myself, listening to my truth. It may look crazy on the outside because the outside is all those other choices of fear.

Liz: Exactly. Judgment.

Rhea: Yeah. It's all judgment, right? So what happens if I just go, all right, I'm just going to choose this because it feels good and I start making choices based on what feels good, what brings me peace, what brings me happiness? What honors myself and what informs my truth? It stands to reason that in the same way that I've created this perfect storm of pain, I could start making different choices and create a different perfect storm of joy and love.

Liz: In order to make that transition, it requires that we take ownership of all the choices and how they led us to where we were and that was that tough lesson I had to learn at 17. Because how can we say it's not our fault if we're responsible? Because when we say, it's your fault, that you are to blame, we stay in judgment.

Rhea: Keeping us in fear because there's a right and a wrong

Liz: It keeps us in a cycle of shame, and shame renders us impotent and paralyzed and doesn't serve anyone. We are where we are because we are.

Rhea: And that's okay.

Liz: We can point to a lot of things outside of us. Like you said, there are all these conditions in place to ensure that I get this fucking lesson and that I get every shred of wisdom that I'm meant to.

Rhea: But at the same time, even without all of that, we still chose to react that way. And I think that's why so many of us are haunted by regret. And I think so many of us from the mind and the ego, that's why we run through all different stories and different eventualities. If only I'd done this differently, then it all would have been different. Because I think on some level, we all are aware that our choices are impacting our reality so we try and go back and redo a choice in our heads to pretend that everything would have been different. And to some degree, it's not wrong because nothing is ever wrong, but maybe those choices were the ones that needed to be made for us to finally understand that every choice matters.

Liz: If we are to expand our human consciousness to the best of our ability in 78, 79 episodes, and we can attribute this experience to our 3D life. Because again, as we talked about 3D was all about polarity and Separation, so in order to live in Separation, we need number one— judgment. So if we're living in a constant state of judgment or living in a constant state of blame, and there's always going to be a scapegoat, which means we're always going to be the victim. And so often thanks to religion, the person or the being victimizing us the most was God. And so, it was difficult to really own our own power because we were constantly rendered powerless. It's not up to me; it's up to God then. If anything good happens to me, it's not because I did it.

Rhea: It's many blessings.

Liz: It is. Anything bad that happens is because I deserved it.

Rhea: It's punishment.

Liz: But because we are an expression of our divinity as in, we are powerful, that is actually in our core who we really are. We're just kind of playing in this really funny sort of life in these bodies and stuff. We were always going to get back to our divinity and come into our power just as we are really learning to do in this kind of 5D consciousness. But to understand that we have that within each of us is the power to create and destroy. But the problem is that, in our very human way, which is that we are so perfectly imperfect that we're really good at fucking shit up - which by the way is totally fine because it's all part of the stupid game anyway - was that in order to make sense of anything, suddenly there was a deity called God and that deity existed outside of us. So, we've always been circling, but that has always existed outside of ourselves. But the more we come into our own evolution, personal evolution I mean, the more we're beginning to really understand that there is no power outside of us that is greater than our own. And that's the most expanded consciousness that at this point we can get and that we can really begin to grasp. But you know what's so funny is that because we were sort of meant to be preoccupied with our own humanity, there was always going to be a natural evolution to that. But then evolution became stunted the more powerful religion became, and we're just becoming conscious of that now. Like, Oh shit! That really didn't go as expected. Let's not regret it, but let's just see how we could fix it or move on from it. But as we know, you don't just kind of move on from something that's so big that impacted you, that affected you. You've got to heal it.

Rhea: It's the same rule either way. So from a personal perspective, if you keep telling yourself the same story, you will keep making choices that reinforce that story. And then the world will back up that story. We literally spoke about it Season 1, episode 1, you know what I mean? Our minds are powerful enough to create our own reality, and so in order for us to create a new reality personally, we have to figure out why our minds did that in the first place. Go deep, go dark, figure out all that shit, and then start making different choices and allow it to evolve from there.

Liz: Yes, because we could conceivably tap into that power, especially from our mental body and to say, all right, new reality, here we are. But what happens for those of us who haven't healed whatever issues we were carrying, that shit will seep in. So, you could already go and create that new reality and exist from there and peace, love your shit away, but that shit will find its way back if it's meant to.

Rhea: Because also if it exists inside of you in some way or another...

Liz: There's no escaping it.

Rhea: There's no escaping it because it's in you, right?

Liz: No, and there's nothing wrong with it. It's there. It just needs to be seen.

Rhea: Because that was what 3D was - the luck or the bad luck to have been born in a time, more for, I guess people who are older than me, maybe less for people who are younger than me, some time with a fuck ton of rules, judgment and shame. And you cannot deny that we have been undoing that in every way as a society from whether it's who you love, how you love, where you work, what you do, everything. Everything is changing. We are being given the gift of freedom in many ways, and we're watching it. We're watching those rules crumble regardless of what you believe.

Liz: And it is hard. And I think that the older you are, whether you're millennial, Gen X-er or older, you're going to be working through those through 2022, at least depending on how embedded the shit is. Depending on how much you were holding onto some of your values that are very 3D-based. Wherever you hold judgment, wherever you hold shame.

Rhea: Basically. So, wherever you think that there's a right way and a wrong way.

Liz: Exactly. And then if you're not doing it to yourself, but you find yourself doing it to others, but we get it because it is shocking to experience this with your eyes open. I mean, most people they expire before they have to go through these types of changes. So often, we're not having to go through this type of evolution with our eyes open so consciously.

Rhea: All the different aspects of our lives have been set up to tell us the opposite and whilst no one is to blame, we have to be accountable to perpetuating it.

Liz: We have to, because that's the only way in which we can consciously and collectively change it.

Rhea: The more I choose myself, the more I hold my own power, the more I acknowledge what you would call my divinity, and as I said at the beginning, the more I make choices from love rather than fear, that's when my relationships do well, not the other way around. And that's the new paradigm

Liz: When we are really trying to understand and heal 3D - the Separation, the harshness, the sense of punishment - that seemed to come from every corner, we make the choice with how we deal with that and how we heal from it and that is entirely up to us and that is in our power. And when we can grasp that everything after is in our power, then we're no longer the victim in our story.