When You Were Young

Rhea:  You know the phrase 'when you know, you know'. 

Liz:  Yes.

Rhea:  I can tell you when I don't know, but I'm not very good at knowing when I know. 

Liz:  Yeah. I think I'm in the minority that just knew, but I didn't know right away. I think I've shared my story before. I knew I was going to meet somebody. I knew it was going to be in New York. I met somebody who somehow I knew I was going to meet the person through her, but it didn't take long for me to figure it out after we met. Again, I didn't necessarily know right away, but there was a sense of I cannot possibly see the ending to this, but I could see the end and the expiration date for every other person I'd ever gone out with. 

Rhea: Interesting. 

Liz:  And that's how I knew. And he'll say more or less the same thing. He just couldn't see it ending. It was a very simple knowing, but it wasn't because we were building up some life in our heads either, because neither one of us felt capable. Neither one of us was dreaming of a house or kids or anything. It wasn't like that. It was like this is cool, but I think it's important to make sure that you don't create a story around that either, because that's where expectations become unmet. 

Rhea:  I've had the experience of knowing that someone is important. It's a very specific feeling for me where I'm weirdly attached to them even though there's no rhyme or reason, and usually I do end up being taught quite an important lesson as a result. So when I feel that way towards someone, I do tend to just open up and go down that rabbit hole. But it's not . . . it's few and far between. I'd say that I've had that feeling over the past two years, four times. 

Liz: That's not an insignificant number over two years. 

Rhea: You think? 

Liz:  For some people that's like a lifetime. 

Rhea:  And initially kind of as I was more starting my journey into kind of unpicking my fears, I would take it to mean that they were “the One”. 

Liz: Or a potential one or that they were? 

Rhea: Potential one. 

Liz: Okay. 

Rhea: Depending on how shit I was getting that day. 

Liz:  Okay. 

Rhea:  Potentially it could be something really important and my mind translated really important as in forever important. 

Liz:  Yeah. Okay. 

Rhea:  As I started divesting myself more and more of my fears, I started realizing that actually that feeling wasn't necessarily they are going to be forever important. I started realizing that often they were going to teach me something really important about me. 

Liz:  And ultimately that lesson is always to bring us back to ourselves. 

Rhea:  Exactly. Whether it is someone introduced me to my shadow, or whether someone introduced me to my heart or someone introduced me to my trust or whatever else. But I have had situations where I've learnt from people I didn't expect to either. Like for example, there was one person who I would say we didn't really have a huge connection, but yet his consistency made me break the assumption that everything is short-lived and painful. I can say I know the big ones, but I often don't really know very much at all. And I think I'm at a stage now where I know myself quite well, but I still am not clear often on how someone fits into my life. I mean, I'm not sure whether it's my mind kind of tricking me going, well this is possible. They could be this, they could be that. You know, it could be this and kind of writes a story around it sometimes so it doesn't quite feel right, but they could end up being right. Or it feels really right now, which means that it's probably going to go to shit, so brace yourself. So my mind kind of then starts playing with me a lot and then I start really kind of distilling them down to their qualities. So well, this person has this kind of ambition or this person has this kind of timetable, this person likes this kind of thing. So that means they must fit here. But this means that they mustn't fit. I start trying to analyze it all to try and understand. 

Liz:  I know. That mental gymnastics sounds agonizing and exhausting. 

Rhea: Because honestly for me, I really struggle with feeling lost, so I'm very happy being in the moment and feeling secure in the moment with someone or with no one. Because for me, my ultimate goal is just inner peace really. But when feelings and emotions start getting attached to someone else, the little voice is going be careful, be careful. Let's look for all the things that could hurt you. So my knowing gets dumbed down. 

Liz:  So we have seven karmic themes from which we've chosen: I am unlovable. I am undeserving. I am not worthy. I am nothing. I am not perfect. I am broken and I am evil. 

Rhea:  So you come in with that karmic theme. 

Liz:  Believing that that karmic theme is true. So how much of the karmic story we've divested ourselves determines the kind of role a person will play in our lives. Saying that out loud. I was like, Oh my God, if I had known that when I was in my teen years. 

Rhea:  How is fear linked to the karmic story? So when I was telling you the little voice in my head, is that my karmic story talking? 

Liz:  Oh yeah, absolutely. 

Rhea:  The one that's challenging my knowing? 

Liz:  Yes. 

Rhea:  That's my karmic story, because my karmic story has always tended to be or anyone's karmic story has tended to be the - worst happens. 

Liz:  Yes. Because it drives us to the ultimate, to the root of our fear, which is I am not good enough. It keeps bringing us back to that time and again. So the less of that karmic story we have, the more we can burn through that fear of I'm not good enough. And then the less we're going to keep attracting people who are there really for our karmic story. 

Rhea:  So you're burning through the fear, which is not the karmic story. 

Liz:  Correct. It's the karmic story playing out, ‘cause there's no truth to the karmic story, if you will.

Rhea:  And there's no truth to the fear. 

Liz:  No, everything is just playing out to get us to the ultimate goal, which is to not be in that story, to be divested of the fear in order to actually be free and to live our lives. 

Rhea:  If you've been kind of swimming in fear and ignoring it, therefore you would have not been aware of your karmic story, more things will happen to get you to wake up. So the people that come into your life will be there for that reason. 

Liz:  Completely. 

Rhea:  But the more in which you divest yourself of your fears and therefore you divest yourself of your karmic story, or is it the other way around? 

Liz:  No. You are divesting yourself of your karmic story as you're confronting your fear. 

Rhea:  Okay. 

Liz:  One is almost sourcing the energy of the other. 

Rhea: Explain. 

Liz:  So if your fear is underpinning your karmic story, you can be burning through the story, but the fear can still kind of be there because you're busy trying to work out all the lessons. Once you've worked out the lessons, there might be a little bit of fear that remains, but that's just remnants and echoes. 

Rhea: How do you get rid of that last bits of fear then? 

Liz:  It will just go once you're out of the story. 

Rhea:  So really the goal is to get rid of the karmic story and not the fear? 

Liz:  Yes. Because getting rid of the karmic story will help you really move out of that. 

Rhea:  Of course. Because once the karmic story is over, that life stops. 

Liz:  Exactly. There's no more space for that fear to ride.

Rhea:  Because you'll just keep doing stuff and it'll keep working out the opposite way cause the karmic story is done. 

Liz:  Exactly

Rhea:  And how do you burn through that karmic story? 

Liz:  Well, first of all, keep living it. Most of the time people are not confronting their blocks. They're drinking, they're finding whatever coping mechanism and they're ignoring it and hope it goes away. So they're staying in a relationship that doesn't work for them. They're staying in a marriage that doesn't work for them. They're avoiding certain things. You know what I mean? Like it's all just that. So that's really what's happening is that people are not living their lives. 

Rhea:  So for example, this person is giving me less attention than I would like. My goal now is to get them to give me the attention I want. So I don't have to look at why the lack of attention is triggering me. And the fear feeds the karmic story, or the fear is born from the karmic story? 

Liz:  No, the fear feeds the karmic story. The fear is not the theme. It's the motivation of the character. The fear underpins the story. So that is ultimately the motivation that's always driving your actions in that story. 

Rhea:  So if I am scared that I'm unlovable, I will act out in ways that stem from that story. 

Liz:  Yes, I will be afraid to be alone. I will fear my own isolation. 

Rhea:  Recognizing that and accepting that is divesting yourself of the karmic story. 

Liz:  It is the beginning of the beginning of the divesting, yes. 

Rhea:  And then what's the next bit after you recognized it? 

Liz:  Allowing the lessons to actually penetrate. I've got to break open my heart, which has believed this so fiercely. In order to work this out. I have to deconstruct my ego. So we have all these things that we've got to work out through all of these relationships that bring us to our knees, that humble us, that devastate us, that disappoint us, that make us question our value or our purpose or our reason for living. So that's quite a process. 

Rhea:  And then when you kind of get to the other side of it and you realize that you still survived, it wasn't as bad as you thought and that it wasn't true in the way that you thought it was, you've burned out the fear relating to that particular bit and that is how you burn out your fear and your karma. 

Liz:  Yes. Because it's when we give space for fear to emerge that it becomes real. 

Rhea:  And then when it becomes real and we survive it, and then see that actually our perception of it was real, but the reality wasn't. Once you've burned through your karma, that will no longer be the case in your physical reality.

Liz:  Correct. 

Rhea: So if you think about it, not to dangle a carrot, but more to show a broader perspective, all these people that are coming along and triggering you and allowing you to burn through it, ultimately we'll get you to the place where what you actually want is possible. 

Liz: Very much. Exactly. 

Rhea: So instead of seeing them as, if I don't have this person, then it'll never happen. 

Liz: He's the potential one or she's it, or they are. 

Rhea: It's my last chance. Instead of looking at it that way, it's more to look at it as I'm going to follow the feeling because by following the feeling, I am allowing my karma to come up. I'm allowing myself to burn through it and I'm not attached to the outcome with this specific person because I know if this is my fear that I'm burning through, I am making the opposite a possibility for the first time. 

Liz:  Yes. And it really is about anything being possible. So it doesn't help us to always get attached to a single idea. 

Rhea: Or a single outcome.

Liz: Or a single outcome or a single person. 

Rhea: It could be the person that didn't speak to you for 48 hours, never comes back, but actually you end up meeting enough of your shadow that you're free enough to meet the right person next. Or it could be that the person comes back and then disappear again and you're like, you know what? Fuck you. I don't want to see you again because you keep disappearing. 

Liz:  Yeah. You are no Houdini. Please!!

Rhea:  Or it could be that actually they had told you that they were going to be busy for 24-hours. You just ignored it. You had expectations of your own, and actually when you came back you had an honest communication and things went forward and everything was right. You have no idea what's going to come next. 

Liz:  The more you can trust yourself, the more you will trust yourself. Because trusting ourselves, coming into trust, understanding faith, living with hope and having knowing as we discussed in Episode 9 in our Trust episode, those are actually tools to work through our karmic story. Those are really the tools to help heal the fear, and trust is something that gets beaten out of us time and again from when we were children. You don't know better. You're wrong. You make one assumption doesn't play out that way and then all of a sudden your entire world collapses. Therefore, we look to others to tell us what to do. 

Rhea:  So we feed the separation. We feed the polarity. 

Liz:  We do. 

Rhea:  We feed the 3D. 

Liz:  Absolutely, because we've judged ourselves as wrong or stupid or naïve or ignorant, and then we're just going to always copy other people we think have it all figured out. That keeps us constantly separating from ourselves and our truth and never really knowing what's right for us anymore. But when we come back into that trust and we do it time and again, eventually we get to a point where we develop enough discernment to really know - when is our lesson finished. I really do know what's right for me, even if it wasn't right for all of my friends. And even if I was kind of wrong in this situation, I really do know better now because I listened to myself. Because that's really when the lessons penetrate, when we make the choice to learn them, not because somebody else told them to us. 

Rhea:  Yes, a hundred percent agreed. 

Liz:  So when things end at some point, and in the most recent episodes we've been discussing breakups a lot because as we've said, people really are burning out their fear, they are burning out their karmic story. We are going to see the end of a lot of relationships. The key is to understand that we are meant to be moving closer to and not further away from our knowing and ourselves, which means we have to continue to trust that, as cliché as it sounds, there is truly a reason for everything and that is really hard right now. That's going to be so hard for people to understand. 

Rhea:  A reason for everything that's in our benefit? 

Liz:  Always. That everything is always to our benefit, yes but there's a reason for this because often with massive change, especially one that feels outside of our control, we tend to feel hopeless. That can make us question everything, but there is purpose and reason to all of this energy and all of this stirring up of our fears and stuff so that we can get to that space. That everything we experience is our karmic lesson intended to bring us into our truth and our knowing and not the opposite. 

Rhea: But I guess it really is about keeping an eye on that bigger picture then. 

Liz: Very much. 

Rhea:  Because whatever happens you are working through - and I can say this with personal experience - you are working towards things you never thought were possible. And even if I haven't finished my karmic story, if you want to call it that, or even if I haven't divested myself of all my fears, the world that I am currently living in would have been but a fantasy not that long ago. And the only thing that got me there was listening to myself. And the more I did that, the more I listened to myself, regardless of whether it came from fear or hope or trust or knowing or anything, because I was honouring whatever I was feeling, the more I worked through my crap. And the more I freed myself of it and got to see that my fears were just fears and not the indelible story of my life. So I would say that even though I've had painful moments and uplifting moments, all different types of moments, overall in the bigger picture, it was worth every single one. 

Liz: Yeah. 

Rhea:  So I don't think I really have an option anymore other than to follow my feeling, whatever it is. 

Liz: That's right. 

Rhea: And I've got to trust myself that that feeling is there for a reason.