Two

Rhea: A lot of my journey throughout my karma, all the shit that happened has very much been around relationships.

Liz: Very much.

Rhea: I learned a lot of my big lessons through dating, through ghosting, through sex, through all the different aspects of relationships, which is partly why I enjoy this season so much. The more I've invested myself of that shit, the less emphasis I've found I've been putting on partnership itself. To the point where today we had a conversation earlier and I was able to acknowledge that whilst I'd love a partner, I don't think I'm ready for one.

Liz: And that's huge.

Rhea: That surprised the fuck out of me.

Liz: Surprised the fuck out of me too.

Rhea: Right?

Liz: I didn't expect you to say that.

Rhea: Because I would always try and pretend to be ready.

Liz: We all want to think that we're ready.

Rhea: Yeah. Because I want to go into a relationship whole, and normally what I would have done would have been: Oh, I really hope that I'm whole, so I'll wing it, or the second one, which I've always very much enjoyed: if we were in partnership, then I must be whole. So I've been asking someone else's presence to tell me that I'm whole.

Liz: As proof that you're whole, right?

Rhea: In some ways, the more able you are to acknowledge that you can be loved, the more likely you are to be loved. And I think on some level, I always knew I wasn't ready. So I translated that into like a weird commitment phobia and marriage looks fucking hard.

Liz: It is fucking hard. Why are we still chasing the dream of marriage? I mean, I do feel like your generation are really exploring the: what am I trying to get out of this dating process? And it always seems to come back to the same thing. I want a lifetime partner. The possibility of marriage after, if that's really the ultimate goal just becomes this carrot. So nobody's really assessing why they really want to be married other than the fact that, isn't that just what you do? Isn't that just end of the dating life? Isn't that the ultimate goal? And what people don't realize is the moment you get married is the moment another part of your growth and evolution begins. And that's what makes it even harder. Yay.

Rhea: Well it makes sense then. I wouldn't be ready for stage two of growth and evolution until I've sealed stage one.

Liz: I think you're more ready than you think you are, but only you can really know when you're ready. Most people aren't ready because they take outward signs of readiness like, okay, well I've been in this type of relationship, I've had this type of experience or I'm this age or I'm this place in my career, therefore I am ready for marriage. And none of those speak to our readiness for life partnership. The only thing that will speak to our readiness is: A, your knowing, like the knowing you have, I'm not quite sure if I'm completely there yet, so I don't know if I'm ready. That's very honest. B, where am I really like? How much of my karmic story have I really divested myself of? How much of my core fear have I really been able to confront? When you can know that to a certain degree, then you can really understand your readiness for marriage.

Rhea: Is the core fear I'm not good enough?

Liz: Yes. And depending on how that plays out, that's your karmic story.

Rhea: You know, in the last episode we were talking about commitment versus compromise, and when I look at marriages, it does look a lot like a fuck ton of compromise.

Liz: But it's not as much compromise as it needs to be when we're with the person who fits us really well. And that's part of the issue is that we are often looking for the person to complete us, not 'fit' us. Our whole romance and fairy tale lore, it's all about . . .

Rhea: It's two halves to make a whole.

Liz: Yes, always. And so we're constantly, as you had once pointed out, where we're constantly swimming in our disempowerment to ensure that somebody could help complete us and bring us into our power as opposed to somebody who fits us, which means they have enough habits that suit our habits. Nothing feels like a sacrifice. I'm not having to give up my identity or parts of my identity that make me who I am, that are essential components of who I am in order to accommodate this life I have with you.

Rhea: When you're looking for someone to complete you, it can be anyone.

Liz: Right.

Rhea: And you are looking for someone to fit you, it narrows down the pool a lot more.

Liz: It's like a needle in a haystack.

Rhea: And also because if you're really looking for someone to fit you, you have to be able to own who you are and be okay with the fact that it's going to make it a needle into a haystack. So I think a big part of why romance and marriage can be so damaging, or the need to partner up is because if I really own who I am, there's a chance I might not find the person that fits me. So it's much easier for me and it will maximize my chances.

Liz: Maximize our chances. It's true.

Rhea: To be a little bit more flaky as to who I am. So that I can fit with someone else too.

Liz: It's because 3D relationships were all about survival. So it was just about one person joining with another person to ensure their survival, their physical survival, and so that was all about money and physical safety for women. They were safer if they were paired up and of course they could then realize their larger purpose in life, which was to breed.

Rhea: For many previous generations, you weren't getting actually married for love or for finding someone that fit you in the soul level. It was someone who fit you on a socio-political economic level and it didn't really matter if you liked them or not. And I think what we're facing as a generation is this idea that we are getting partnered up and married with love as the basis, and all of a sudden that's thrown in so many more choices, but so much more of a murky water because we have to find out what that love is first. So marriage where it was controlled is really now much more individual.

Liz: It is much more individual, but we're still trying to fit it into that old 3D paradigm of survival and sort of pragmatism, but it's not working, and that's why our relationships are in such crisis, right up to the marriage level because people's intention around it have shifted but the model of it has not and that dissonance that it's created has put a strain on people's expectations around what am I going to get if I get married.

Rhea: I want to get married, but I'll minimize my chances if I'm not in my whole self. So I can't be in my whole self, therefore I cannot be in my power. Therefore, I cannot be in my power to be loved.

Liz: Which is not 5D oneness consciousness at all, which then sticks you into the old marriage construct of we are just sacrificing our identities in order to make this situation work until we die.

Rhea: Which is the same like dating. So if we look at Swipe Right, you know, we were talking about Adventures in Connecting in Swipe Right in Season one, and about how we're trying to fit this new paradigm of let's connect, let's actually connect with each other into the old paradigm of dating of who's going to text who first and who's going to ask out who first, and this is what a date must look like.

Liz: And who pays on this date.

Rhea: Exactly. And it's the same thing. So even though we're looking for love and for connection, you're right. We're still playing it out within those things.

Liz: Well, we think we're looking for love and connection because we know instinctively that's what we want, but what we end up looking for is a lot of the old stuff that really does not apply anymore. We're still looking at very superficial things and qualities and features about the person that will somehow speak to their eligibility.

Rhea: When really it's just do they fit me, do we connect?

Liz: Exactly. And it could be the stupidest shit. Like my husband and I, we can lie in our bed and listen to some old bad '80s ballads just because that's what we grew up with. And we can just like enjoy that together. Who else can I do that with? Oh my God, I hope no one else.

Rhea: Yeah, seriously. I hope no one.

Liz: You don't have to put that one in there.

Rhea: No, it's fine.

Liz: But do you know what I mean? It's like sometimes it's the small shit, but that gives you such a level of comfort that enables the connection because you can be yourself.

Rhea: It's like one of my best friends. All we do is we sit and we watch bullshit TV together. Same thing.

Liz: Yeah. We're still playing in the arena of what we think love is or we think relationship is because we still believe in the idea that there is someone for us. We just don't know how to get it. We don't know what it requires and we don't know how to keep it. And that's why we're still kind of stuck almost in the dating bit because somehow that's a little bit easier to play with. It's something that can get messy, but the beyond, we just still don't know how to articulate our needs enough because we're so wired. We're so wired for partnership. It's human connection. It's what we want. It's what we crave that we've damaged our knowing around it because it's been lifetimes after lifetimes and generations after generations of sublimation and subservience and domination and complete inequality and imbalance when it comes to partnership or what we call partnership now, which really wasn't anything but just two people trying to make the best of it.

Rhea: So how do you get through that? How do you find partnership in 5D?

Liz: The more we know ourselves, the more capable we are really choosing ourselves and the healthy part of ourselves, not the broken bits that we just kind of keep flinging out there in the world and hoping somebody is going to fix for us, or even with us that we really do need to get to a certain point in our own healing, where then the relationship doesn't have to be about spending all this time fixing one another because trust me, marriage is going to put a mirror to all the other crap that we haven't been able to see, that when you're on your own there's no need to. But the moment you're in partnership and why marriage is so hard has everything to do with that level of intimacy and oneness, and two people really coming together is us saying: Wow, I'm going to be in my most divine self as best I can for as long as I can. And we slip up from time to time when we haven't dealt with our issues.

Rhea: So really being able to find partnership in 5D is having enough faith. So it's not about choosing the other person at all.

Liz: No.

Rhea: It's about choosing ourselves.

Liz: Exactly.

Rhea: And then everything comes from that.

Liz: Yeah. Because it has nothing to do with the other person. We're not looking for another person, but ultimately looking for ourselves.

Rhea: You don't find someone who fits you when you already, as we were saying at the beginning, change when the wind blows in order to make your pool larger. So you won't be, and I was saying, I don't think I'm ready for partnership. I don't think anyone could be ready for true partnership until you see yourself for who you really are. I'm not sure that you can meet the right partner because if you don't see yourself for who you really are, how can anyone else?

Liz: Well, you're going to meet the person, the right partner for right then, and confuse it and think, well this could be my person and let's get married and let's make this work. Because I do believe marriage is work because yes, marriage is hard. It's very challenging, but it's not work, because I know people really associate marriage is something you work at. It's something like your own relationship with yourself. It requires effort, but when we're not in our power, we become complacent. So if we're not in our power and therefore our relationship to ourselves is weakened, naturally a byproduct of that will be all of our relationships become weakened, and the less of our fear we've divested ourselves, the more likely we are to encounter that fear along with our partner. Now what happens is if our partner is going through a shitty, shitty time, as in imagine your dark time, they have their issues and they're really in the throes of their karmic story, and if you haven't done a whole lot either and then everybody's just triggering each other, what happens?

Rhea: Shit show.

Liz: Shit show, because so long as we are not working towards that wholeness within, our marriage is constantly going to experience those ups and downs because it's always going to be reflective of where we are. And it's not to say people won't manage and work through those times. It's just so much more difficult. And we're not trying to say, well then if you just want a problem-less marriage, then take care of all of your issues, be 100% free of your karma and your core fear and then that's going to be blissful. It's likely then that there's going to be another avenue for growth and evolution. But in 5D, the whole purpose of partnership as in marriage, which is really a covenantal relationship, not that it involves God or a God, but it means that we are in our most divine selves, and if we are in our most divine selves, we are experiencing our own divinity, which means we are in touch with our power, which has enabled our purpose. So partnership in 5D has everything to do with us living our purpose.

Rhea: So as a result of that, you're not getting married or partnering up with someone to stop being alone. You're getting married and partnering up with someone because they fit you and their 'not aloneness' matches your 'not aloneness'.

Liz: Right, exactly.

Rhea: Because I mean I've had experiences and I'm sure someone else in my life recently has had the experience of. Definitely you feel it when someone else is looking to source from you, rather than looking to enjoy you. And if you are at a certain place where you've done that, it's not attractive.

Liz: No, no, it's not. I'd rather be alone in a healthy space than be with somebody who needs me to source them in this nice, lovely co-dependent relationship, which is what a lot of marriages and relationships are. That's co-dependence and that's really when we don't know ourselves, when we're not clear about what we want, but we still get married because we feel that we have to. We feel some kind of societal or personal obligation because of the target idea, but that's where infidelity also happens. The person I'm with and this life we have does not complete me.

Rhea: And I thought they would.

Liz: I believed it would be enough.

Rhea: But actually it's not enough because unless I'm enough, no one else will ever be enough.

Liz: Exactly.

Rhea: I guess that makes sense though, because if you marry someone because you think: Oh, being with you will make me whole, rather than understanding I need to be whole by myself.

Liz: Or it will complete this life that I believe I'm supposed to have with the house and the cars and the job and the whatever.

Rhea: Rather than feeling it in your heart.

Liz: And yet I'm still not satisfied.

Rhea: But you're not satisfied because you're probably not living your purpose.

Liz: Exactly.

Rhea: Which is why partnerships are purpose-led in 5D because you can't feel whole. You can't feel satisfied. You can't feel complete unless you've divested enough of your crap and you are being able to live in your power and in your purpose. So if you're not being able to live in your power and your purpose, you're not going to feel complete. So you will be reaching out to other people to complete you instead. They're never going to fill you up the way you need them to because you're the only person who can fill yourself up.

Liz: And if it's not looking to other people to fulfil us, it could very well be escaping into a different type of co-dependent relationship.

Rhea: What happens if you do find a partner that fits you, rather than mistakenly you think completes them?

Liz: Then it's awesome. Then you have a friend for life. Then you have somebody who's going to share all of your triumphs and your challenges and who's always going to be in your corner and be your biggest fan, who inspires you to do the same and who's going to share all those even stupid little things that you guys enjoy. And there's growth through that and the more of a foundation that you have with yourself and your own divinity, the more that you get to share that and that's really experiencing love. That is love in action.