Hurts So Good

Liz: I used to be really bad at breakups. I would see the end of something or recognize that it was coming and rather than approach the issue and say, well where is this going? Is the time up? And then I would start to act out. I would sort of do that passive/aggressive thing of I'm going to give this relationship a reason to end. 

Rhea: Oh, interesting. 

Liz: Yeah. A lot of people do that in a relationship. 

Rhea: I'm kind of the opposite. I see the end coming way before it actually is. I even prophesise an end that doesn't exist and then I react then. So it's kind of like, Oh, clearly I'm not going to be with you forever, so I'm now going to be on the look-out to see how it ends. So I ended up just anticipating the ending instead of being present in the relationship. 

Liz: That sounds awfully depressing. It's stressful.

Rhea: It's horrific. 

Liz: Because how can you be with the person just feeling on edge? It can't be natural. 

Rhea: It's horrific. But at the time it was also tied into the core fear shit. 

Liz: Right. 

Rhea: So I can't relax in this relationship because once I do, it’ll end, and I understand it because we associate breakups or endings with pain and with death.

Liz: Very much. 

Rhea: It kind of all goes back to that idea of it will kill us or at least a part of us and that will hurt too much and it might take the rest of us down with it. So I would sense that that there’d be an end coming, because there is an end for everything. Even in an ongoing relationship, every time you move forward, it's an end of the old relationship. 

Liz: Yes, absolutely.

Rhea: So there's always endings in relationships. 

Liz: Yeah. I mean for me, I also felt a bit guilty that I could see the end, that it was there and I felt almost bad that it was going to end as if I wasn't appreciative or grateful at the time we had together, and that's why I think we both held off as well. But as we know, and I think as we said in a previous episode, the longer you wait, the worse it is. Not to create fear around that, but just knowing that when you wait too long to help end a relationship, that it needs a bit of facilitating on your part. The longer it takes for us to move on and move forward and to begin, that next chapter in our lives, if you will . . .

Rhea: Why? 

Liz: Why what? 

Rhea: Why the longer it takes, because in my experience it was the opposite. I stayed in something far longer than felt good, but every time it felt bad, it didn't make me want to fix it more. It made me love the other person less. So by the time I walked away, I was ready to walk away because there was a lot less love there and I wouldn't have been able to do before because it was too much around me. 

Liz: But that also kept you from really experiencing life for a long time. We allow time to mark our relationships differently. The longer we're together, the more significant they are, which isn't necessarily the case.

Rhea: No, because actually the biggest relationships that have changed me, some of them were very, very short in the scheme of things. If you just think how many relationships I've had in the past two years, I guess really what marks a relationship isn't how long it takes, but the degree in which you have learnt. 

Liz: Exactly.

Rhea: You can have like 7 million lessons with one person. 

Liz: You can or you can have a lot of relationships and each one brings a different dimension of the bigger lesson and it really depends on how we learn. Depends on where we're at, if that's all we can really manage are those short burst relationships as opposed to five years with somebody because that can also lead to other issues later down the road, which was we've been together for five years now. Not everybody's been married that long. We should just stay together. 

Rhea: So when is the time? When is that sweet spot? 

Liz: Of when to end it or how you know? That's a really good question. There are two things to look for. The first and probably the most important of the two is, Does being with this person serve my purpose? 

Rhea: Does being with this person take away from the rest of my life or add to it? 

Liz: Exactly. Or secondly, Is this person part of my karmic story? 

Rhea: And if they are part of your karmic story . . .

Liz: Then they're likely not a life partner. 

Rhea: Are they somehow embodying my fears? And what I mean by when I say are they embodying my fears, it's not like we were saying the first bit shows me parts of myself and we work through them together. Are they reinforcing the story that I am not good enough? 

Liz: Yes. But it's about really recognizing and not judging that when you see a relationship is over, like when you can feel and be very honest, not just, I can't handle the fact that this person's being this way and I need to move on, and then you find yourself, the next person's just like that. Well then it's not them, it's you. 

Rhea: So if the same story keeps happening over and over again, it's not a them thing, it's a you thing. 

Liz: Always. Always! We really need to be honest with ourselves about what makes for the end of a relationship, and how can we really allow ourselves to move through them so that way we can make the choice, even if it's a painful choice to move forward. 

Rhea: All the work that we've been doing in Season One and Season Two or just in general, kind of divesting ourselves of our fears so that we can be more connected to ourselves and more connected to what feels like the most natural next move. 

Liz: Yes. 

Rhea: Means that when you are at a place, and we discussed this a lot, but when you are in a place where you have to make a hard decision, it's possible when you realize that's the decision that brings you peace. What I would always say to anyone trying to figure out whether or not to break up with someone, it's where do you feel the relief? Because you can make the hardest, most painful decisions and you can feel very uncomfortable doing so. But if you have that inner peace, then you also know that it might be a painful choice, but it's the next step for your evolution. 

Liz: Very much. And it could be that the relief you get in the idea of ending it isn't necessarily telling you to end it, but that something needs to give.

Rhea: Interesting. Go on. 

Liz: Because there are people who are like, if it was just over, I would just be so much better. 

Rhea: So Rhea-style! I'm looking for the ending. This feels uncomfortable. This must be it. You know, we laugh because I really drag my heels, but it's because that's where I go. Like I'll take my time, my sweet ass time to get there because I know that once I get there, I'm throwing a fucking grenade in there, you know what I mean? And then I have to run into the bomb site and trying to put out the grenade and rescue everything. So it just becomes really fucking messy. When you're looking for the end, you're always wondering when are you going to end it? So it's a bit like that and you're right. So it's interesting cause you're like, well actually sometimes it's just saying that a change needs to be made. The change doesn't have to be . . .

Liz: The very fucking end of it. 

Rhea: Yeah. It's just in the end of that phase, whatever that is. 

Liz: Yes, exactly. And it really depends on your knowing is this relationship really as long-term as I always believed it to be, and this is where we're at in our evolution where we've got to take another step forward, but we need to do that through honest communication, or is this really the end? Because I know there's something else out there and being with you is not going to get me there. Are we choosing one another? Are we enjoying one another's company? So as we move through and transcend our current dating and relationship paradigm and move into something that's more respectful and that's with integrity and honouring, it will be so much easier to see our relationships for what they are. 

Rhea: Which is? 

Liz: Well, is this a co-dependent thing? Is this a karmic story thing? Is this a, I'm learning and I'm growing and I'm moving forward? Is this a partnership thing? 

Rhea: And I think that's really scary because then we are looking at those endings and we're thinking that it means that we lose that person, or it means that we negate the relationship or it means that it doesn't matter anymore. Well, no. It got you to a place where . . .

Liz: You can actually know that you've outgrown it. 

Rhea: Yes, and it brought you to a place where you are freer and less scared, and closer to creating the life you've always wanted, and whilst that person may have been great, you might have been really attached to them. It's not to say that you'll never see them again or you wouldn't have a relationship with them, just maybe not THE relationship with them, and maybe actually the person who's coming next is far better suited to you now, and because you've evolved and you've grown, that person is probably also has less issues, has less fear. So it's probably not to say there's better or worse, but a better relationship is around the corner in some ways. 

Liz: Yeah, and a different relationship. One that will again, as you said, match you and where you're at. Relationships were so important to us in third dimensional consciousness because we needed other people to complete us because we needed a sourcing. What's happening though that in order to come into fifth dimensional, oneness consciousness, we need to come into compassion with ourselves. 

Rhea: So understanding that you are where you are and all those emotions that you have just as much as the one that goes, Oh, you really cringe me out now have got the ick, as much as the, ‘I can't not go to bed without your arms around me.’ Both of those things you can hold in the same space. 

Liz: Very much, very much, but also act in your highest good and acknowledge that well everyone's telling me that you're the best person for me. In my heart it is just not right and to be in step with that as well, because there are a lot of people who are very afraid to make those decisions especially right now, and 2020 is driving people to want to hold on even more. 

Rhea: Because everything is going to berserk. 

Liz: The level of uncertainty is too great. Where there are people of certain age groups where they do feel like they need to be paired off, that it's time, it's been too long and so they might just settle with the next person who comes around the corner and that's not going to work because in fifth dimensional oneness consciousness, if we're really not at one with ourselves . . .

Rhea: We can't find our two. 

Liz: So when we're really thinking so much about all the different rules and expectations that we've had for a really long time, we know all of that comes from just ego bullshit.

Rhea: So basically what it is, just to kind of recap on that, is that the ego is protecting you from your fears, right? 

Liz: That's why we constructed it. Yes. 

Rhea: Yeah. So I secretly think I'm not good enough, but I can trick myself into thinking I am because I've ticked these boxes. I know I'm good enough because I'm married at the right age. My partner earns X amount, or as simple as I know I'm good enough because I've found someone who loves me, even if they're not quite right for me. And so that ego will keep us trapped in those relationships. We're staying in it because our ego tells us it's better than being alone.

Liz: Relationships in oneness consciousness are not about future planning. 

Rhea: Well, relationships in general aren't about future planning. 

Liz: They never were. Well in 3D to be fair, they were because it was all about our survival. So we needed to find the optimal partner for the optimal situation that would ensure our survival. 

Rhea: Whereas now it's not so much about survival. It's about growth. 

Liz: Exactly. Because as we have come to understand what love is and isn't, in 5D we're all about flow. We're all about allowing. We're all about adapting. As we can see, 2020 is pushing us to adapt. 

Rhea: It's pushing us to not think about the future because fuck knows what that looks like. 

Liz: Exactly.

Rhea: It's asking us are you able to love yourself enough to be light in the now. 

Liz: Yes, exactly. 

Rhea: Is there anything in the now that is dimming your light, so look at it and look at whether it is a fear, it is a karmic story, it's just run its course, and if that's the case, then walk through that fear so that on the other side your light can be even brighter than it was before. 

Liz: So you can be fully present. Because what we're really being pushed to do in relationships especially is to be fully present. 

Rhea: And just enjoy it. 

Liz: Oh absolutely. 

Rhea: That's the point, isn't it? Other than that, if relationships aren't about survival and it's not about having to source yourself from someone else, relationships are just about enjoying each other. 

Liz: So if we find ourselves really in a relationship where our fears are in our faces and all we're really being forced to contend with is our shit, then look at it. 

Rhea: Look at it and stop trying to get the relationship better so you feel better. That's exactly the opposite way. 

Liz: And projecting yourself into that future with that person because it may work later or it may not and you can't know that or force it. 

Rhea: When a fear comes up in a relationship, all you can really do is look at it and you and not think, oh, if this person was just closer to me or if I end it with this person, the fear goes because the fear isn't going to go anywhere unless you walk through it, and unless you come out the other side. The more we are in touch with ourselves, the more in touch with our needs, our desires, our wants, our power, our purpose. It doesn't really matter how long a relationship lasts, how much longer we think it will last - which is my issue, always waiting for the ending almost -where it's going, all we can really know is how do I feel right now? Is there anything I need to be looking at? Have I outgrown this? 

Liz: Because what matters especially this year is life, relationships, everything is to get us to a certain point for our evolution. And so it's all about that right now. Where can I grow? Where can I evolve? Where can I expand? Where can my heart heal? 

Rhea: You know, whatever we are lacking, wherever that question, where am I not being myself? Where can I not listen to myself? Where can I not trust in myself and the present in myself? 

Liz: Where can I not feel peace? 

Rhea: Where can I not feel peace? That'll be the bits that you'll be working on. It could be going against every pattern you've ever had. It could be choosing yourself. It could be allowing your light to finally shine. But if you have a degree of peace, yes, it will be a painful choice sometimes. You'll also have the inner strength to see it through and to give yourself that compassion. If you're not ready, if it doesn't feel right, if just a shift is required, do what feels natural to you and trust that wherever you're going to go, it will get you there. 

Liz: In order to facilitate a new beginning, which is what the next four years are really all about, there will be many endings. They will mark us enough as they are meant to because they are meant to be part of our awakening. So as we awaken to ourselves, as we awaken to who we are, as we awaken to our potential, as we awaken to our purpose, as we awaken to the reason that we are here, we will find that so much of our lives as we knew it, including who we are, will be so different than who we thought. Especially when we strip away things like our ego and issues like our fears, and therefore a lot of the relationships and people in our lives that we drew to us in order to assuage our fears, in order to be part of that ego/karmic story will no longer apply to who we are and who we're becoming, which is why there will be many endings. 

Rhea: As you divest yourself with your fears, your light gets brighter. And if you choose to stay in relationships, any kind, but specifically dating relationships, romantic relationships, where you are dimming your light in order to keep it going, then why the fuck did you get rid of your fear in the first place?