Circles Transcript

Liz: The sexual aspect of any relationship dictates so much of how much a couple stays together, how well they get along. It's that thread.

Rhea:  Because it is connection, right? It is. Those illicit touches under the table, the little kiss in the corner. That's all suggesting something to come, but that's also bonding you to each other.

Liz: Yes.

Rhea:  It's creating that connection. I don't think sex creates the connection, but I do think...

Liz: It facilitates it.

Rhea:  Yes, but what I've noticed is it's when you don't know how to make that connection, but somewhere on some level you think sex will do it, it becomes really corrupted.

Liz: Very much.

Rhea:  In my 30s, it's been much better because I've worked through so much of my crap and what I noticed is that as my relationship to myself got better, as I started to see that I could choose, then my relationship to sex changed as well.

Liz: You could choose what?

Rhea:  I could choose to have a healthy relationship. I could choose to walk away from something that didn't feel right. I could choose to voice my concerns. I could choose to trust myself. I could choose to own myself. I could choose that I would be okay, no matter what. So yeah, I could choose.

Liz: In the black and white of polarity, sex became very damaged. You know, what was whole, what was divine, what connected us so much to our own divinity became separate from us and became controlled by others and therefore became distorted. So when we're using sex to manipulate, to make ourselves indispensable to somebody that we really want, that we think is going to leave us.

Rhea:  Or when we don't give it to them because we are scared if we do, they'll leave us. When you're using sex as a way to manipulate anything, withdrawing sex as punishment or rewarding with sex...

Liz: It's your birthday! 

Rhea: Exactly.

Liz: Happy anniversary!

Rhea:  Or just, well done. You did the dishes. Now you can bang me on the kitchen table. You know, sex is not a carrot. It's not a currency and it's not to be traded for something else. Sex is literally just something two people do together for pleasure.

Liz: Yeah. It's not even that we desire sex for the pleasure of it. It's also the experience of our own pleasure that facilitates the desire for sex. Does that make sense?

Rhea:  No.

Liz: When we are really in ourselves, when we're really in our power, we can not only pleasure ourselves, we're very acutely aware of our own personal pleasure. It's like, Ooh, that little touch. Gives me tingles. So I may not have desired sex in that very moment. I still may not be desiring it, but I'm already starting to get that, you know, my senses are already getting heightened. I'm already starting to experience pleasure. I'm already thinking, well, can I take that further?

Rhea:  In the first season we talked about sex. We were really speaking about how there's a lot of constructs around it that make us feel that it's politicized. It's been commodified. It's been another currency in which to keep us in right and wrong, black, white.

Liz: Very much.

Rhea:  And what that has done is it has denied our true desire for it. We are also denied our true desire for connection.

Liz: Very much, and so because we're told you can only connect in this way and it's this narrow idea of what connection means. We can only have it this way and the more you create rules or structure around something that cannot be bound within anything and sex is ultimately boundless, just like our power is boundless, just like our divinity is boundless, so when we start to try to reign something in and we start to control it, the intention is lost. I think the reason why we've had to bring in this topic now in Season 3, which is all about Love in Action and having defined love, it's to see that it's much more expansive than just orgasm. It's much more expansive than just bodies touching, that it's really about experiencing the divine. Ultimately sex brings us back to our god selves. When we lose ourselves in the act of it, when we lose ourselves in another, but not just anyone but a particular person who really matches us vibrationally and stuff, we can realize and transcend our human cells and enter something that we've been incapable of experiencing in our sort of limited 3D reality.

Rhea:  Does it have to be the right partner?

Liz: No

Rhea: Or does it have to be the right partner at the right time?

Liz: Can we say yes to both?

Rhea:  Yes.

Liz: Okay. Yes. Your relationship to sex has everything to do with your relationship to yourself. So the stronger, healthier, more joyful your own relationship is to yourself, that gets mirrored in the act of sex. And so if you're in that space and you happen to meet somebody who matches you, which you know really like attracts like in that respect. It's never about just finding that one person in your life. We all have managed to dispose of the myth of "The One" because we have many ones and our sexual partners will often be reflective of our growth and our evolution. So often, if we want to know where we're at, just be like, well, who's the person I'm sleeping with right now? What are they saying about me? Who are the types of people I'm attracting? Who am I bringing to bed? What is that saying about me?

Rhea:  In their sexualness or in their wholeness?

Liz: In everything. We have sexual needs; we have sexual desires. We're both open. We can both communicate our needs. We're both responsible about this because I'm responsible for my own emotions. You're responsible for your emotional state. You're not looking to me to fill some emotional hole left by an ex, a parent, whatever. More power to you. Keep going.

Rhea:  The other side of that, which is...

Liz: Which is the very 3D side, which is pretty much what everybody has been swimming in for generations and generations.

Rhea:  The fuck boys, the hook-ups, the ‘I'm going to go out one night and I'm just going to bang someone to show that I can bang someone’. It's all of that kind of stuff that's made it almost like a hobby, like a notch on the bedpost. It's become really polarized. In one sense, it's the we must save it for marriage and it's purely for procreation. 

Liz: Yes.

Rhea: And the other side is so much for pleasure, but it's such a superficial pleasure and it's not the pleasure of the actual sex that's the pleasure. It's the pleasure of telling someone else after you've done it. I feel like we've all been reacting so much to how sex has become so controlled that we're breaking out of it in such a strong way that we've basically minimized it to nothing.

Liz: It's always been controlled, so we are really just waking up to the fact that if we want to have a positive relationship to ourselves and come into our power and realize our purpose through coming into our power, then we need to heal this relationship that we have to sex.

Rhea:  Sex is just two people who are connected to themselves and enjoy the connection with each other, and can get lost in it.

Liz: Yeah, but that's where the discernment comes. Because sex was so controlled, because sex was so dictated by other people, because sex was also a form of currency, coming into a sense of responsibility around sex has been difficult because we've been very reactive. I'm just going to go the other way. I'm just going to prove that I can fuck whomever I want, whenever I want, however I want. And it's true. We can make all those choices and we can live with the consequences of that. That's fine. And it's important that we all know that we have the freedom to do that. That matters a lot. But what also matters is that we need to keep ourselves healthy. And I'm not just talking about physical health or anything like that, but that in doing so because sex is such a part of our power and our own identity, that every time we're doing it, we're not splitting our identity in the process. When we're just kind of doing it with any random person, when we're not displaying a certain amount of discernment for our own benefit. I think this person and I, we can have a really great time together. This can be something instead of just being like...

Rhea:  You'll do.

Liz: You'll do, because I'd rather have this than be alone, sleep alone tonight or I need to prove this because I need to get over somebody or whatever and I need the validation.

Rhea:  The opposite of wholeness is judging and shaming, so that's the easiest way to see it.

Liz: Yes.

Rhea:  I'm not judging myself. I'm not shaming myself. Therefore, I'm accepting that I am in this moment the best that I can be.

Liz: I am enough.

Rhea:  But how that bridges into power I don't know.

Liz: When we're in our power, we are our most divine self.

Rhea:  So what do you mean by being in our power?

Liz: I am doing what is best for me in this moment. I am doing what I need to do because I'm so fully clear about my needs, my desires and who I am in this present moment and that is immutable.

Rhea:  I want a stable, committed relationship and sex only within that. Therefore, I will not accept anything less.

Liz: Or I'd really like to explore different facets of my sexuality. I want to know what my limits are or where they're not. And so you may not be wanting to wait for that "stable relationship" to really come into full self-identity. To know ourselves well, to know who we are sexually.

Rhea:  If you know that the ultimate goal is to be in a committed relationship, doing anything outside of that, is that going against it?

Liz: No, because again, we need to be clear about what our desires are. The more in touch we are with them, the more we know ourselves. The more we know ourselves, the better we can understand the source of our desires. The closer we are to ourselves, the more connected we are to our divinity. The more we realize that, and that to me contributes in the long term to the kind of relationship we want, that we want to evolve into, that we want to carry with us for perhaps the rest of this lifetime. So I think the two really go hand in hand because we need to be able to explore all of that. Our fantasies don't have to necessarily be indicators of our realities. They could just be in the realm of fantasy and then we can just decide how far we want to take it in the physical realm and see what that means. You might find that it works out. Might find that it was a bit boring. Might find that it made you really insecure and then you have to like turn around and figure out, Oh, okay, well then what does that teach me? Because if sex is ultimately a part of our divine selves, if it's a reflection of our divine selves ultimately, when we don't have a positive experience of it or there's something triggering around it and I don't mean a violent trauma, then we really do need to go in and say, Oh, I'm about to learn something about myself, aren't I?

Rhea:  My most divine moments have been before, during or after sex. I have learned the most about myself.

Liz: You mean in all the hours we spend together, Rhea? Really? I'm only kidding. It's all good. There are a lot of messages I've been seeing on social media about the power of sex, which is spot on because sex is truly powerful. Although it is not the most powerful energy out there, so I will dispute that. It is an extremely potent energy and that in order to harness that energy, it is best that we either keep it to ourselves as in we're not spreading it around. We're not having sex all the time. We're not masturbating a lot. We're utilizing that energy and that power in some other way, and I just got to say that is some of the most damaging rhetoric out there. That just furthers our distorted relationship to sex.

Rhea:  The more sex you have, the more you want it.

Liz: Yes.

Rhea:  It's not something that depletes; it exponentially grows. I had a phase of quite a few years where I was totally shut down emotionally, spiritually, sexually, everything. I had no desires, none at all, but when I came out of myself and decided to reconnect to myself as that connection with myself grew and grew, I mean that was a very important part of my life.

Liz: It's magical. Sex is truly magical. And I do understand that it's the well-intentioned message of some to say that not having it is better than just having it randomly.

Rhea:  Which is true.

Liz: You know, random hook-ups.

Rhea:  Better to not have connection than to fake connection.

Liz: But to say that that potent sexual energy can be best used elsewhere to manifest your dreams, etcetera? Yeah. We've just detoured. We're just the proponents of please go have sex. The more we're able to do it, the more we want to do it, the more we're reminded of ourselves in the deepest way possible. Unless you've been using it and manipulating it and all it is is just reflecting back your damaged self, then maybe it is time to take a break. But doing it from a space of self-healing, not of self-defeat.

Rhea:  That's always been the rhetoric, right?

Liz: Oh gosh.

Rhea:  Sex is precious. If I sleep with you, I'm giving my energy away, not I’m expanding it. That's how it's always been. I just look at this new generation and I just think how do we help them not see judgment and shame when it comes to one of the most beautiful things this world has to offer? Because sex ultimately is about choice.

Liz: Yeah.

Rhea:  It's about choosing ourselves, choosing to be whole enough to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

Liz: Yes.

Rhea:  Choosing to acknowledge our sexual desires and embracing that as our power. Choosing who to have sex with, and how.

Liz: Yeah.

Rhea:  And choosing to know that it was never shameful or required judgment, but it was just an expression of who we were.

Liz: And a measure of our growth and evolution in that moment.

Rhea:  Yeah.

Liz: And nothing more than that.